Sonntag, 31. Oktober 2010

Ten things most missed about the free world -- by Ralph Stokes

1. Freedom being able to go and do whatever you wanted.

2. My family; father, mother, brothers, and sister, who is the youngest of all children. Just being around them daily and all the small things we think that`s not important. Me being the oldest of them and feeling it was my responsibility to look over them.

3. My mother and her cooking, who knew exactly how to cook everything just the way I like it to the point where if I was eating someone else`s cooking, if it wasn`t cooked the way my mother cooked, then it was cooked wrong.

4. Giving my Grandmother a surprise visit and remembering just as I turn the corner to her block that she lived on, I could see her before she saw me, sitting on her inside porch looking out in the evening as the sun was going down and remembering as I was getting closer to her house, wondering what was had cooked for dinner.

5. family get-together`s and cookouts getting together with family members you may not have seen all year long and some even longer, and those you may not see again until the next family get-together or cookout.

6. coming out of my house and standing on my front steps and looking both ways, up and down the block, and seeing all the children busy in their playing with each other and not a worry in the world.

7. My baby Sister who at the time I was arrested was about 1,5 year old, who is now around 30 years old, and missing out on this time to be there for her like a big brother should. Also my youngest brother who at the time of my arrest was only 10 years old, who I felt that me and him was the closest of my brothers.
He also was murdered in the year 2000 on my birthday February 8th.

8. Whenever I had a problem or something on my mind and just needed to get away for a couple of hours to be by myself. I would take long walks, sometimes to the park, and take my dog Brutus with me, and before I knew it, whatever problems that I had on my mind were gone.

9. At least one or two Saturdays every month my mother and aunt would get together early in the morning to go shopping, which would take them all day long to do, and how they would make me and my cousin go with them to carry the bags, and remembering how me and my cousin never wanted to go with them, but they made us go anyway. Also remembering at times how we used to try and hide somewhere, but how they used to always find us.

10. Walking up every day and not thinking or worrying about death row and whether or not I`ll ever get off death row.

Ralph, Oct 4. 2010

Samstag, 9. Oktober 2010

Thoughts

I am charged with murder. First degree was brought up but never placed on paper.
Am I guilty? Yes, I am.
Would I do it again? Given the same situation? Hmm, never will we know, will we?
I want to say "yes", but I also want to say "no".
Do I regret what I did? No, I do not.
I do regret the pain and sufferingmy deed cause so many.
The victims family, my own family, especially my daughter, for the latter I will never forgive myself. Never.
You may think I`m harsh or worse. You may wonder why. It`s sîmple really, a trust was broken, a childs world was defiled by greed, a friendship was betrayed. Forgiveness was present for awhile but the victim ( me or her?) refused to admit and continued to deny what was done. It went too far. I ended it in rage.
Now I have a lifetime to think about it all, yet I do not regret what I did. In ending that persons life, I put a stop to a future of betrayal, deceit and theft from that person against my family and friends.
Extreme?
I think not.
When a person loses all in their checking account,savings, their credit is ruined, and regular bills are still due, all because of a so called friends betrayal, well it just needs to stop.
The police are powerless to act without solid proof. In my case justice was sewed, swift and sure.
I think it`s fritting that that same justice also caught me for my crime.
Now only one record on file, a memory and a tombstone remain.
Life goes on such as it is.

H.Lee Sept.30.2010

A moment of doubt

I once tried to say I didn`t love you...
Well, it seems that it was a lie
Then I wanted to hate you
I failed again, oh my
I guess I wanted to test myself
To see if it was really true
There is nothing I`d rather be
Than in love with you
So it seems I was a liar
And a failure too
When I tried to test myself
Love came shining through
It all happened some time ago
A moment of doubt gone away
Now I shout to the world
I`ll love you forever and a day.

H.Lee Sept 30.2010